My $750 Day

Wrinkle Creams: 3
Caffeine Units: 4
Botox: $500
Hair "Restoration": $250

Yes, you read it right. I am a Botox Baby -- but I've been doing it for years due to a genetic abnormality: Bassett Hound Forehead. I didn't have the nerve to ask my dermatologist what else she could do to make me look younger. I had rehearsed a question, but I was too embarrassed and quite frankly --frightened -- to ask. Once I ask, whatever she tells me will be a done deal and this is already a very expensive operation just to keep the status quo going.

Also saw my hair goddess who "restored" my locks to their "natural" color -- the pale golden blonde my daughter enjoys. Since it is my natural prepubescent color I feel completely justified in claiming to be a natural blonde.

Noticed local newscaster has had lots of Botox but has very puffy/saggy neck. Perhaps I should tip her off about Thinny Thin Chin. But how does one do such a thing politely? Hmmmm.

With so many hours devoted to youth preservation -- hey if I declare myself historic, can I get a tax deduction or something??? -- I have had no time to pay bills, monitor homework, grocery shop or partake in any wifely duties (or slack off on said duties).