Ants in my Pants

Ant Hills sat on while watching Lacrosse: 2
Sports practices missed b/c I drove to wrong field: 1
Times daughter asked me to order Pink Devil Angel Costume: approx. 23
Glasses of wine drank before Back to School Night: 1.5 (ran out of time)
Glasses of wine drank after Back to School Night: still drinking

The only thing that's working in my life are my wrinkle creams (that and the Botox -- but I tell people its my new haircut!). My Thinny Thin Chin cream seems to be working (probably because I put it on three or four times a day and I'm already running low), as is the face firming cream and eye hydrating cream and the small tub of $185 ReVive cream that came as a "free" sample with $200 purchase. I do look younger and I am having nice peppy dreams involving hunky young men I am clearly not married to, but I feel older and very dim and incapable.

I mean, what kind of person drives to the wrong sports field and then manages to sit on not one but two ant hills during the course of Lacross practice? How can one well educated person waste her life sorting mail and paying bills and driving in circles around suburban Maryland? It is so depressing and they do not make a cream for this. Turns out aging is not the problem, it is me.

Oh please, did you really have to say Duh?

Holy Crap, only 700 and some odd days to turn into productive person.